Characters: 3 M
Brent goes to visit his hillbilly cousins, Jim-Bob and Fred, who were watching after his bird Pipsqueak while he was out of town. There are 3 chairs back center stage, right next to each other, which Jim-Bob and Fred are sittng in when Brent knocks on the door…and they will all sit in later.
BRENT:
(knocks on door).
Hello?
FRED:
Jim-Bob, who in the world could that be?
JIM-BOB:
I don’t know, Fred. (Jim-Bob goes to answer door.)
You ain’t been chasing the neighbors chickens around with a pitchfork again, have ya?
FRED:
Naw.
(Jim-Bob opens door, and sees BRENT).
JIM-BOB:
Brent! (Yells back at Fred.) Hey Fred, it’s our favorite cousin!
FRED:
Brent! Hey! What’re you doing here? I thought you were going to be gone for another month on that business trip of yours.
BRENT:
Well, I WAS, but the deal went through sooner than we had speculated, so I’m home again! It feels so nice to be back in town, I’m ready for life to get back to normal. (Looks around.) So, um, where’s Pip?
FRED:
Pip?
BRENT:
Yeah, Pipsqueak… my bird. Thanks so much for watching him while I was gone. Did you move his cage?
FRED:
Um…
JIM-BOB:
Brent, Pipsqueak had a bit of an accident.
FRED:
Shhhh!
BRENT:
An accident?!
JIM-BOB:
Yeah, FRED let him out of his cage, and he flew right up into that there fan, and it knocked him out that there open window, and Muffy the cat had him a tasty gourmet treat, yes sir!
BRENT:
My BIRD is DEAD? (Looks sad, sits in chair.)
Aw, man. I LOVED Pipsqueak. He was such a cool bird. I mean, what other birds have you known that can say “cheese whiz tastes like worms”?
Fred, I thought I could RELY ON you to take good care of him!
FRED:
Uh, sorry cuz. I was takin good care of ‘em, but my word, that bird pooped like I just couldn’t believe! We went through 3 newspapers a day, and he escaped last week while I was putting him down some fresh poop paper. I really am sorry, Brent.
BRENT:
Aw… it’s alright, Fred. I’m just going to miss that bird. Man, why does everything always have to CHANGE?!
JIM-BOB:
What do you mean, Brent?
BRENT:
I mean, my boss quit and I have a new ANNOYING boss…
my bird is dead…
my girlfriend broke up with me…
the old drive in theatre shut down…
they don’t make supreme chocolate crunch ice cream anymore…
(freaks out) WHY!? (drops to the floor and cries.)
JIM-BOB:
What in the WORLD.
Get off the floor, you sissy!
FRED:
Yeah Brent, as least you got one of them fancy high paying jobs. Carnival work just ain’t paying me what it used to.
BRENT:
I know, I know I have some good things in my life. But my life is just so… UNSTABLE! (Jim-Bob helps pull him up).
JIM-BOB:
Yeah, but, not all change is BAD!
FRED:
That’s right. In fact, I just changed to this new brand of shampoo that leaves my hair feeling so revitalized and silky and smooth… feel it, Brent!
BRENT:
That’s okay, Fred.
FRED:
Naw, naw, come on, feel it! (Takes Brent’s hand and rubs it in his hair.)
BRENT:
That’s...nice. (sniffs his hand).
But it SMELLS like road kill! (Gags.)
Oh, yuck. Where did you get that stuff?
FRED:
Made it myself!
BRENT:
Uh… I’m not even going to ask HOW…
JIM-BOB:
And you know what I changed? I changed my favorite food!
BRENT:
Really? Hamburgers aren’t your favorite food anymore?
JIM-BOB:
Nope! Burgers sure can taste good, but I’m telling you, REFRIED BEANS make you LARGE and in CHARGE!
BRENT:
Refried beans? Yuck!
JIM-BOB:
It ain’t about the initial sensation… it’s about the after effect. I tell you what, I have just unlocked one of the great mysteries of life! You might not like something as much as you like something else, but it’s all about the BENEFITS.
BRENT:
That’s… interesting, Jim-Bob.
FRED:
Alright Brent, I know you’re going to think THIS is a good change. TODAY I changed my underwear… for the first time in TWO weeks!
BRENT:
Fred, that truly is disgusting.
FRED:
Not really, because…
BRENT:
No explanation needed, Fred. Thanks. (Thumbs up.) Good for you on your change of drawers. Really. I just wish that… I wish that there was SOMETHING that NEVER changed in MY life.
JIM-BOB:
Brent, we’re your COUSINS. That ain’t never gonna change! (Picks nose.)
BRENT:
Then again, maybe I don’t.
FRED:
Ah, Brent, you kidder you. Surely there’s good things in your life that stay good all the time! Things you can rely on, things that never change.
BRENT:
Um… no.
JIM-BOB:
You’re wrong!
BRENT:
I am?
JIM-BOB:
I know something that NEVER changes. Someone who you can ALWAYS RELY ON who will NEVER LET YOU DOWN.
BRENT:
Please don’t say Fred.
JIM-BOB:
Nope… it’s… GOD!
BRENT:
God?
FRED:
Yeah, Brent! God’s love for you is unchanging.
JIM-BOB:
And the message in his good word in unchanging.
FRED:
And his nature is unchanging!
JIM-BOB:
And his values are unchanging!
BRENT:
Pffft. If God is so wonderful, why is he letting all this bad stuff happen to me?
JIM-BOB:
Well, if that ain’t just a ridiculous question!
What may SEEM like a bad thing to us at the time, might not really be BAD FOR us.
FRED:
That’s right, Brent. You know, that Chocolate Supreme Crunch Ice Cream was starting to make you fat.
JIM-BOB:
And I hate to say it, but that ex-girlfriend of yours… I think she was mainly after your, ah shucks how do you young kids say it these days… bing-bing!
BRENT:
Bling-bling, Jim-Bob. It’s “BLING-BLING”… and you know, I'm sad to say it, but you might be right. And Fred, (pats stomach) I KNOW you’re right!
FRED:
You know Brent, change shapes you into who you’re meant to be, and it shapes your character too!
BRENT:
Yeah. Change CAN be good. But having something you can always rely on is also good. So… about God… he really never stops loving us?
JIM-BOB:
Nope! Never!
BRENT:
You know, I’ve never really gotten to know God, or to know about him, all that well.
FRED:
Well Brent, the only person who can change that, is you.
BRENT:
I think I would like that!
FRED:
Cool. Would you like to buy a bottle of my shampoo, too? Only $3.99!
BRENT:
No way, Fred. I love you man, but if there’s anything you should change, it’s THAT!
