Characters: 3 M, 1 F
Derek enters stage right, and Bob is waiting by the door to greet him!
There is a "pretend" cash register center stage, and Jesus is standing still, eyes closed, head bowed, left center stage.
Other props needed: remote control, one piece of wrapped gum
BOB:
(To Derek as he enters stage R)
Welcome to Better Buy, where you get to TRY it before you BUY it! Can I help you find something sir?
DEREK:
Well, yes actually, you can! I’m looking for something NEW! Something EXCITING! Something COOL! You got anything like that, Mr… uh…
BOB:
Bob! You can call me Bob! (Shakes Derek’s hand.) And you are…
DEREK:
Derek
BOB:
Well, it’s nice to meet you Derek. And I think you’ll be happy to hear that Better Buy has a TON of NEAT, COOL and EXCITING things! AND, just to make sure that you really like the product you’ve been eyeing, you get to try it out before you decide whether or not you want to buy it! Isn’t that GREAT?
DEREK:
Yeah… say, what do we have HERE?
(Picks up REMOTE CONTROL.)
BOB:
That, my friend, is the ONLY remote you could ever need! It can operate your TV, DVD player, dishwasher, microwave, and you can even program it to turn your lights off and on!
DEREK:
Wow! That’s cool! Do I get to try THIS out?
BOB:
Of course, Derek! We’ve programmed the remote to operate our lights. Go ahead, push (points at a button) that button there.
DEREK:
(Pushes button; lights dim onstage.)
WHOA! That rocks!
BOB:
Yes, but you might want to turn the lights back on before somebody…
(We hear an offstage scream, followed by a THUD.) …too late.
DEREK:
(Pushes button again, lights return to normal.)
Um…(shouts) sorry!
BOB:
Oh, I’m sure that whoever it was, they’ll be okay! So Derek, what do you think? Isn’t that remote COOL, NEAT, and EXCITING?
DEREK:
Yeah, man… but what if I take it home and THEN decide that I don’t want it anymore?
BOB:
Not a problem! Better Buy has a thirty day money back guarantee! You can return any product if, for any reason, you take it home and are not satisfied with the way it performs!
DEREK:
Well, in that case, I’ll take it!
(Continues to carry remote around with him.)
BOB:
That’s GREAT! Maybe you’d also be interested in THIS!
(Hands Derek a piece of gum.)
DEREK:
What’s this?
BOB:
Cherry chocolate flavored gum!
DEREK:
Cherry chocolate flavored GUM? Does it actually taste good?
BOB:
Well, why not try it out and see?
DEREK:
All right. (Unwraps gum, chews, makes disgusted face, spits gum back into the wrapper.)
Oh, that’s nasty! Yuck! You weren’t actually going to try and sell me that gum, were you?!
BOB:
Hey now, some people think that gum tastes GREAT! But I bet you’re glad that you got to try it before you decided to buy it, now aren’t you?
DEREK:
Well… I suppose so.
(Notices Jesus, who is standing still, head bowed and eyes closed, and points at him.)
Say, what’s THAT?
BOB:
Oh, that’s Jesus. He’s pretty cool, I guess.
DEREK:
What does Jesus DO?
BOB:
Jesus, when activated, becomes your best friend, who loves you no matter what and forgives you of all your sins. He died for you so that you could have eternal life! He also offers help to improve your life, which includes giving you thought provoking advice and sharing his knowledge with you!
DEREK:
WOW! JESUS sounds NEAT, COOL, and EXCITING! Can I try him out?
BOB:
Sure! But we’ve got to ACTIVATE him first!
DEREK:
How do we do THAT?
BOB:
It’s simple, really. All you have to do is get down on your knees (both characters kneel, Bob first then Derek mirrors him in this and the rest of the actions)
, bow your head, and ask Jesus into your heart by repeating this prayer after me.
Dear Jesus…
DEREK:
Dear Jesus…
BOB:
Please forgive me of all my sins…
DEREK:
Please forgive me of all my sins…
BOB:
I want you to come into my heart, and be my Lord and savior…
DEREK:
I want you to come into my heart, and be my Lord and savior…
BOB:
I praise you, oh Lord…
DEREK:
I praise you, oh Lord…
BOB:
AMEN!
DEREK:
AMEN!
(Jesus now opens his eyes, lifts his head, and watches the other two characters.)
DEREK:
Wow… that was EASY!
BOB:
Yeah. Now go ahead and test Jesus out! Talk to him!
(Both characters move closer to Jesus.)
DEREK:
Uh, hey… Jesus?
JESUS:
Yes, Derek?
DEREK:
(Amazed.)
Whoa… cool! He knows my name!
BOB:
You like Jesus, do you?
DEREK:
Yeah, man. How much does he cost?
BOB:
Not a dime!
DEREK:
You mean… HE’S free?
BOB:
Yep! No money involved! Jesus is yours for the taking.
DEREK:
Well, in that case, I WILL take him!
(To Jesus.)
So Jesus, do you have any advice for me?
JESUS:
The sluggards craving will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work.
DEREK:
Whoa… how’d you know I was LAZY?
BOB:
Derek, Jesus is your new best friend, your Lord, and your savior. He knows EVERYTHING about you!
DEREK:
REALLY?
JESUS:
Yes, Derek. I know all.
DEREK:
All right! Bob, I don’t think I’ve ever had anything as COOL, NEAT, or EXCITING as Jesus!
JESUS:
Why, thank you.
BOB:
Well then, will this be all for you today, or would you like to try out more neat, cool, and exciting things?
DEREK:
I’m done, man. (Hands Bob the remote.) Check me OUT!
(They walk over to the cash register, Jesus directly following behind Derek.)
BOB:
That’s going to be $21.97.
DEREK:
(Digs in pocket and hands Bob “pretend” money.)
Here you go, Bob. Keep the change!
BOB:
Why, thanks! I’m sure that your generous tip of three pennies will profit me greatly. Have a great day, Derek!
See you later, Jesus!
JESUS:
(To Bob.)
WILL you?
BOB:
(Nervous laugh.)
That Jesus… you gotta love him!
DEREK:
Come on, Jesus! Let’s go!
(Derek, with Jesus following him, exits stage right. Lights dim as Bob exit’s the stage and Diane takes his place behind the “register”. This could also be a good time for the youth minister/someone else to take a place on stage for a moment to talk about how this is often how it feels when you first accept Jesus… neat, cool, and exciting. But as much as Jesus offers, he expects your love and obedience in return…
Lights up as Derek, holding the remote, w/Jesus following behind him, walks back onto the stage.)
JESUS:
Derek, your body is the temple of God…
DEREK:
Put a sock in it Jesus, I don’t want to hear it anymore!
DIANE:
Can I help you?
DEREK:
YES! I need to return a couple of things. (Hands her the remote.)
This remote doesn’t work right. And Jesus here, well, he’s just too annoying.
He follows me wherever I go, and he criticizes me ALL of the time!
He tells me that I shouldn’t smoke, because my body is God’s temple.
AND he tells me that I need to get a job, and that I shouldn’t be physical
with my girlfriend. He tells me that I’m a hypocrite! Can you believe that?!
So anyway, I’d like to return him, too.
DIANE:
Well, I’d be happy to refund your money for the remote… but Jesus didn’t cost you anything. Well, except for your life, of course.
DEREK:
My WHAT?!
DIANE:
Your life. You prayed for him to come into your heart and be your savior, right?
DEREK:
Right…
DIANE:
Well, now you’re supposed to die to yourself and let Jesus live through you, so that you can be a light in a darkened world!
DEREK:
I didn’t know about that part! I just wanted to try him out, to see what he was like. Please, just let me give him back.
DIANE:
Sorry. Jesus is a NON-returnable item!
DEREK:
But… someone ELSE might like to have Jesus… so can’t you just set him up on a shelf somewhere, and…
DIANE:
Believe me, there’s PLENTY of Jesus to go around.
DEREK:
So, what are you saying? Are you telling me that I’m STUCK with him?
DIANE:
Well, kind of. Now that you’ve accepted Jesus as your savior, he’s never really going to go away… he’ll always be tapping at your conscious, but you CAN choose to ignore him.
DEREK:
But he never goes away?!
DIANE:
That’s because HE LOVES YOU. You should really listen to what Jesus has to say… he IS your savior, you know. I mean, you don’t want to burn in the depths of HELL, do you?
DEREK:
Well… NO, of course not. But does Jesus have to follow me EVERYWHERE?
DIANE:
You always have a choice whether or not to listen. You CAN choose NOT to listen to Jesus…
JESUS:
Which would be stupid.
(Both characters look at him.)
Well, it WOULD!
You DON’T want to burn in the depths of hell… and you DO want someone to love you, to always be supportive of you, to try and help you make the best of your life… DON’T you?
DEREK:
(sighs)
Maybe I SHOULD give you a better chance, Jesus. I mean, you did DIE for me, after all.
JESUS:
I died for you because I LOVE you, Derek. I just want what’s BEST for YOU.
DIANE:
Here, take your money.
(Hands Derek “pretend” money back.)
You and Jesus have a nice day, now.
JESUS:
Hey Derek, why don’t you ask for an application?
DEREK:
Aww, Jesus, I don’t wanna work!
JESUS:
(in sing-song voice)
DER-REK…
DEREK:
(To Diane.)
Can I have an application, please?
(Diane hands him a piece of paper.)
(To Jesus.)
I guess it WOULD be nice to have some dough.
So what ELSE do you think I should do, Jesus?
JESUS:
I think you should take a shower. You don’t smell so well.
DIANE:
(chuckling)
Oh, that Jesus. He’s so HONEST!
I’ll see you later, Jesus!
