...because everything you do has a consequence!
Why DO we do the things we do??
Characters: 3 M, 1 F Rodney sits in a chair right center stage, his eyes focused on an
“invisible” object (try not to move eyes, blink if must, but don’t move eyes back and forth…) Duke enters SL…
DUKE:
Hey Rodney, what’s up?
(Rodney stares at object, not acknowledging Duke at all.)
Rodney?
(Waves his hand in front of Rodney’s face to distract him.)
HELLO?
RODNEY:
Aw, man!
Duke, you ruined it!
DUKE:
Ruined WHAT?
RODNEY:
I was trying to set a new world record!
DUKE:
And what record is that? The “how long can you look stupid” record?
RODNEY:
No, Duke, the world record for spending the longest time staring at a lady bug, and I was up to four hours before you had to mess me up! Now I’ve got to start ALL OVER AGAIN!
(“Resets” his stop watch.)
DUKE:
But, Rodney… WHY are you doing this?
RODNEY:
Because I CAN! Now go away, you're messing up my concentration!
(Goes back to staring at lady buy.)
DUKE:
Because you CAN? Is that the only reason?
(Rodney doesn’t answer.)
Michelle enters SL, jumping up and down.
MICHELLE:
Hi, Duke!
DUKE:
Oh, hey Michelle!
(Pauses as he watches Michelle jumping up and down.)
Um, say, is there a reason why you keep jumping up and down?
MICHELLE:
No, no reason.
DUKE:
So, you just like jumping up and down, huh?
MICHELLE:
No, not really.
DUKE:
WHY are you jumping up and down, then?
MICHELLE:
No reason.
DUKE:
Michelle, are you okay?
MICHELLE:
No! I mean, yes!
DUKE:
Are you sure?
MICHELLE:
Did you say something, Duke?
DUKE:
What is WRONG with you, Michelle?
MICHELLE:
Ooh, a rainbow! (Continues to jump up and down as she exits offstage.)
DUKE:
(Shaking his head.)
Boy, has SHE turned into a WEIRDO.
Jon enters SL continually smacking himself on the head with a skillet.
DUKE:
Jon, what are you DOING?!
JON:
What’s it look like?
DUKE:
It looks pretty stupid. Why are you hurting yourself like that?
JON:
What are you talking about, Duke? I’m not hurting myself!
DUKE:
You’re smacking yourself on your head with a skillet! Doesn’t that hurt?
JON:
Not too badly.
Wanna try it?
DUKE:
Why WOULD I?
JON:
I don’t know, why do I?
DUKE:
Well, why don’t YOU tell ME?
JON:
YOU tell ME!
DUKE:
I don’t know why! Don’t YOU know?
JON:
No.
DUKE:
Then how would I know?
JON:
Know what?
DUKE:
(Yelling)
Just tell me why you’re hitting yourself over the head with that stupid skillet!
JON:
(After a dp, acts like he’s getting choked up.)
You don’t have to yell at me, man!
DUKE:
Jon… I just want to know why you keep doing that!
JON:
I think I do it…
Uh…
Just because I CAN!
DUKE:
Just because you CAN?
JON:
Yeah.
(Looks deep in thought, suddenly stops smacking himself over the head.)
Do YOU ever do things just because you CAN?
DUKE:
Come to think of it, yes, I do!
Like earlier this morning… I drank eight two liter bottles of Pepsi, just because I can!
JON:
And I’m wearing mismatched socks (raises pant legs to reveal mismatched socks)
just because I can!
DUKE:
And sometimes I watch TV until 5 o’clock in the morning, just because I can!
JON:
And one time I ate yellow snow, just because I can!
DUKE:
Oh, gross, Jon!
JON:
(Shrugs shoulders.)
It can’t HURT you.
DUKE:
Well, it certainly can’t HELP you, either!
JON:
True. You know, I think it’s so cool that God lets me do whatever I want to do.
DUKE:
Yeah, we get to make our own choices about everything and anything we do!
JON:
If I want to, I can (picks nose) pick my nose in public!
DUKE:
And I can (spins around) spin around in circles until I blow chunks!
JON:
And I can drive my car at 120 miles per hour without wearing my seatbelt!
DUKE:
(Stops spinning around.)
Uh, that doesn’t sound like a very good idea, Jon.
JON:
(Shrugging.)
Well, it’s MY choice!
DUKE:
But… what if you crashed and because you weren’t wearing your seatbelt you go thrown from the car and your body smashed into a brick wall and it split your head open and your brains splattered all over the road?!
JON:
Or what if YOU stay up watching TV all night and you’re so tired the next day that you fall asleep while driving your car and you drive it off a bridge and it flips about a dozen times then slams into the rocks and bounces into the river and you DROWN?
DUKE:
Whoa… I never thought about THAT before!
JOHN:
I guess our actions always have consequences that we just can’t predict.
RODNEY:
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Duke and Jon hurry to see what’s wrong with Rodney.)
DUKE:
Rodney, what’s wrong?
RODNEY:
It’s my EYES! I can’t move them back and forth anymore!
I think they’re FROZEN!
JON:
Rodney, didn’t your mama ever tell you that if you stared at something long enough ,your eyes would…
RODNEY:
(cutting Jon off…)
Yeah, of course she did, but I never really thought that it would HAPPEN!
(Whiny and scared.)
I want my MOMMY!
(Rodney runs out exit SR.)
DUKE:
Geesh. I hate to say it, man... but... it’s his OWN fault.
JON:
Yeah. (Picks up skillet and starts smacking himself over the head again.)
It’s so sad when people hurt themselves by doing stupid things and don't even realize it, huh Duke?
DUKE:
(Staring at Jon, shaking his head.)
Yeah, Jon. It SURE is!
