Charcaters: 3 F, 2 M
GINNY - F | MARSHA - F | BETSY - F | PACO - M | OCCIFER - M Marsha and Ginny are hiking along a trail and discover an ill eagle on the ground. They spot a man in uniform and ask him for help. Words are funny things… sometimes the first thing they make you think, is not what the truth is… but far, far from it.
The eagle is probably best to be pantomimed...
GINNY: What a beautiful day for a hike! I haven't been to this hiking
trail in AGES!
MARSHA:
Oh, I know! Me too! (hits something with her foot, looks down
Oh my word!
GINNY:
What is it, Marsha?
MARSHA:
It’s... an EAGLE! And he looks very ill!
GINNY:
Oh no! Poor thing.
MARSHA:
(Sees Occifer) Oh, thank goodness! Ginny, there’s a guy in uniform over there… I bet he can help somehow!
GINNY:
What luck!
(girls approach man, DSL)
GINNY:
Sir, SIR!
OCCIFER:
Well, howdy. You little ladies need some assistance?
MARSHA:
Yes! There’s an ill eagle over there!
OCCIFER:
An illegal what?
GINNY:
An ill eagle -- he’s really sick.
OCCIFER:
A pervert, is he?
MARSHA:
No, no. He’s a bird.
OCCIFER:
Bird? Like... an escaped jailbird? Is that the slang term ya’ll be using nowadays? A “bird“?
MARSHA:
No, I’m talking about an ILL EAGLE. An EAGLE who looks very sick. He can hardly move!
OCCIFER:
Oh. Well, why didn’t you say so?! Where’s it at?
GINNY:
Right over there!
(Occifer examines eagle)
OCCIFER:
Well, well, well. Mmmmh, not in good shape at all. It’d be a shame to lose another one of these poor endangered fellas. But don’t you girls worry your pretty little heads off, I’ll get someone here right away to assist!
MARSHA:
Thank you, sir.
OCCIFER:
Ah, sir makes me sound like such an old geezer. Just call me Occifer!
(girls are noticeably amused by this request)
GINNY:
Occifer? Wha… Why Occifer?
OCCIFER:
Cuz that’s my last name! I am Otis Occifer, park ranger!
MARSHA:
Wow… well, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Occifer!
OCCIFER:
The pleasure is all mine!
(A ruckus is heard in the background, off stage L)
OCCIFER:
Will ya’ll excuse me for just a moment, I better check that out, and radio for some help for that eagle!
GINNY:
Of course.
(Occifer exits SL and Paco enters SR and starts walking up the trail, close to the girls)
GINNY:
Mr. Occifer!
(girls look at each other, still amused by his name, giggling a bit… then Marsha walks towards eagle, Ginny following)
MARSHA:
I hope they can get the eagle to a vet really soon… he’s barely breathing now.
GINNY:
Well, thanks to Mr. Occifer, this ill eagle probably won’t die. Such a shame for him to have to suffer like this though. But I’m sure he’ll be taken care of soon.
PACO:
Whaaaaat this you say? Police officer make illegal immigrant suffer unfairly throughout his miserable life?
MARSHA:
(Startled)
Whoa, who are you, and where did you come from?!
PACO:
My name Paco. I am illegal immigrant who has suffered unfairly throughout my miserable life! Now, who this vile police officer you speak of?
GINNY:
No, no, it’s not like that at all, uh, Paco. You see this eagle here, he’s very ILL, he’s dying, and Mr. Occifer, he’s not a police officer at all, Occifer is just his last name!
PACO:
Oh, you horrid American women are just brimming with lies!
BOTH GIRLS: (Gasp!!!)
GINNY:
(very annoyed and angry.)
Excuse me Mr. Paco, but there’s no reason for you to be so rude! You simply misunderstood me! No one that I know has ever done anything wrong to an illegal immigrant! (Gently picks up the eagle.) Do you see this bird? He is ILL! And he is an EAGLE! This eagle is sick! You see him? You see the eagle is very sick?
PACO:
Eagle? That... that is EAGLE?
GINNY:
(Annoyed; loses it.)
Yes. This bird. (Shakes the eagle violently.) THIS. IS. AN. EAGLE!
MARSHA:
(Gasps and shrieks.) Ginny, what are you doing?! Are you trying to KILL him?!
(Ginny drops the eagle, shocked by her own actions.)
PACO:
You try KILL ME?!
MARSHA:
No, not YOU, the BIRD! The EAGLE!
GINNY:
Oh my… oh no… Marsha, I… I didn’t mean to shake him like that. I don’t know what came over me!
MARSHA:
(Looking at eagle, petting it…) He’s dead.
OCCIFER:
(re-enters SL and says loudly to girls)
Hey girls, someone should be here very shortly to retrieve that there eagle and nurse him back into tip top shape! How’s he doing?
MARSHA:
(Flings the eagle over her shoulder into the woods, and runs out to where Occifer is.)
Oh, Mr. Occifer, the most amazing thing happened! The eagle must have just been resting! He regained his energy and all of a sudden he spread his beautiful wings and flew back up into the sky, then soared away!
(Mr. Occifer scratches his head, in deep thought and smiling.)
PACO:
(Throwing his hands in the air, mouth agape.)
Oh yes… brimming, overflowing with lies, you American women are!
GINNY:
Oh, put a taco in it, Paco!
(Ginny walks down to where Occifer and Marsha are standing, while Paco makes a face at her, then shakes his head, turns and walks up the trail, muttering under his breath to himself about American women.)
OCCIFER:
Well, I‘ll be a monkey‘s uncle‘s cousin‘s sister‘s goldfish! That is so gnarly! That’s like, a miracle!
GINNY:
(feeling guilty
Yeah… like… a miracle. Heh.
OCCIFER:
Well, I guess I’d better be on my way then, I got a few more things on my agenda to take care of… you girls take care of yourselves, you hear? (Mr. Occifer exits SR.)
MARSHA:
Oh, yes Mr. Occifer. You too!
GINNY:
(Walks back up next to the trail and sits down in the midst of her dialogue.) Oh, Marsha, I feel so horrible. I strangled an endangered animal to death! I‘m a terrible person!
MARSHA:
(Sits next to Ginny.) Ginny, it’s okay. (Puts arm around Ginny to reassure her.)
It probably would have died anyway. This whole day has just been totally WEIRD.
GINNY:
(Nods in agreement, sits for a minute, then becomes enlightened.)
You know what we didn’t do this morning, Marsha?
MARSHA:
Um... brush our teeth?
GINNY:
Ew, NO, of course I brushed my teeth. Yuck. Didn’t you brush yours?
MARSHA:
Um, oh yeah, of course. I was just joking. (Smiles at Ginny, looks away and makes a “whoops” face, pops a mint in her mouth from her pocket, smiles at Ginny again.)
GINNY:
Oh. Actually Marsha, what it was is... we didn’t PRAY!
MARSHA:
Oh, wow. Ginny, you’re totally right! We should pray!
GINNY:
Every day is always so much better when we pray in the morning.
MARSHA:
Totally! You want to lead it this time?
GINNY:
Sure! (Both girls bow heads and close their eyes. A woman enters stage right and walks slowly towards the hiking trail, coming nearest to the girls when Ginny says “Jesus Christ”.)
Holy Father in heaven, we thank you for this beautiful day, and for this beautiful trail. Please forgive us for contributing to and lying about that eagle’s death… perhaps it was just his time to go. And please forgive me for snapping at that Paco guy, I’m sure he doesn’t really hate all American women. We love you and praise you Lord, please bless the rest of our day today. In the holy name of your beloved son, Jesus Christ…
BETSY:
What’s wrong, darling? You got something in your eyes? (Reaches towards Ginny’s face.)
GINNY:
Wha… no, no, I’m fine! What makes you think that something is wrong?
BETSY:
Well, you said Jesus Christ, and you said it like you meant it! I say Jesus Christ myself all the time when I’m angry!
GINNY:
Yeah, well, I did need something. I needed to communicate with him.
BETSY:
Him? You having man troubles?
GINNY:
No, communicate with Jesus. With God.
BESTY:
Oh, you’re one of them people. (laughs). I just don’t understand believing in something that you don’t have no proof for, that you cannot prove exists.
GINNY:
I guess I can’t prove it to YOU, but he’s proved it to me.
BETSY: (amused
Oh, and how’s that?!
GINNY:
He speaks to me. He moves in me. He shows me signs. I can feel his presence at times. But more importantly, I KNOW who he is, I know him personally, and he knows me personally too.
BETSY:
Mmmmhmmm. Still sounds like a bunch of fairy tale hogwash to me.
GINNY:
Well… if you ever want to get to know him Jesus, who can save you from your sins and give your life meaning, just seek, and you will find. (smiles at Betsy.)
BETSY:
(Smirks, but is a bit moved.)
Yeah, well, I guess you never know. Ta ta now. (continues on down the trail and exits stage.)
GINNY:
Bye.
MARSHA:
Whoa. Now THAT was really weird.
GINNY:
It’s so sad that Jesus’ name is just a swear word to so many people.
MARSHA:
Well, I guess words are just words until you know the true meaning behind them. And the only way to show people the meaning of who Jesus Christ really is, is to do our best to live our lives as he lived his.
GINNY:
Marsha… that was, like, so philosophical and meaningful and… so very true!
MARSHA:
(proud of Ginny’s compliments.)
I know!
GINNY:
So, let’s take a hike already!
MARSHA:
Ok, but this time I’m not stopping to try and rescue anything that's in danger of dying along the way!
GINNY: (slight pause as she thinks...)
You know, I just realized that sometimes, God guides them to you. (Smiles and winks at Marsha, proceeds up the trail.)
